LOVEverblooming

1週間続いた熱もやっと下がって、今日は前からずっと観に行きたかったピカソ展を高岡市美術館でパパとママと3人で観てきたの

ピカソはAiの好きな芸術家の1人でもあるし、パパもママもアート大好きだから親子共通の趣味があって嬉しいな

ピカソの作品観てたら童心に返れてすっごく楽しかったの

それにしても体調を崩していたから、久しぶりにお出かけできて嬉しかったなぁ

なかなか体調が安定しなくて不安になることもあるけどね

改めて健康でいられることの幸せに気付いたし、今は何よりも生きていられることに感謝
Enjoying Picasso's art works!


BIg ice cream!!


I had been suffered from fever for 1 week but now I got fine at last!! So I went to TAKAOKAART MUSEUM to watch Picasso's art works with my parents =)

Picasso is one of my favorite artists and my parents love art so I'm glad we have the same hobby!

While I was watching his works, I enjoyed my second childhood 8-)

However, because I had been in bad condition, I was happy to go out after a long interval!

Though I sometimes get worried about my future and health, I realized how wonderful to be fine and I really appreciate I'm living now!

まだ微熱が続いてて今日も一日横になって休んでたけど、夕方にはちゃんとお墓参りに行けたの

My数珠入れに数珠を入れて家族みんなでお参り

Aiは心の中で去年の暮れに亡くなったおじいちゃんに「お帰り」って話しかけたの

一生懸命自分の人生を生き抜いたおじいちゃんの姿思い出したら、Aiも頑張って生きようって思えるの

生きる事の素晴らしさを教えてくれたおじいちゃんにありがとうの言葉を送り続けるよ
My rosary and its pouch


I still have slight fever and kept taking rest but in the evening I was able to visit our grave!

I went there with my family and I took my rosaly in its pouch ;-)

I talked to my Granpa died late of last year I was happy to see you again!

Every time I remember he lived his own life very hard, I think I also live strongly!

I continue to send my words "Thank you!" to Granpa because he taught me the wonderfulness og living!

今日は熱が出ちゃってなかなか下がらなくてだるいの

しかも眠ってた時に見た夢の中のAiはものすっごく怒ってて、怒りを色んな人にぶつけてたの

何か相当凄まじいストレス溜まってるみたい

現実世界で行き場を失った怒りが夢に出てくるほどだから、Aiの心の内に潜むストレスの原因ちゃんとみつけてあげたいな

Today,I got to have fever and I have still have, so I feel lazy...

And what's more, I saw myself in my dream and I was so angry that I took out my strong anger on various people.

It seems I have lots of stress ;-(

Anyway, I wanna find out what my stress is in the bottom of my heart because my anger which lost its way appeared in my dream!

入浴中になんだか色んなこと考え事していたんだけど、結局忘れちゃったの（笑）

世の不条理を嘆いていたことだけは覚えているんだけど、ただ現実を嘆くだけじゃ何の解決にもならないよね

この世界で生きている限り、否が応でもこの世界と関係し続ける・・・どんなにこの世界が憎くても。

それならば、この世界をしっかり見続けて、みんなと一緒に生きていきたい

生きていて良かったと思えるモノや人にこれからも沢山出会えるから
Miles away


While I was taking a bath, I was miles away but I forgot what I was thinking about.

I remember I lamented over this world's abusurdity but we can't solve them only we lament it.

As long as we live in this world, we're connected with people and things of this world whether we like them or not. No matter how detestable we feel...

Well then, I wanna watch this world without averting my eyes from it and wanna live with all of you!

I believe we can meet wonderful people and things which make us to think living is brilliant from now on!

3月末に実家に戻ってきた時と比べたら、かなり体調は安定して元気になってきたの

そしたら自然と「何かしたいなぁ」って前向きな気分になってきたの

やっぱりうつの治療には休養と服薬がものすっごく大事
I'll be much better!


My condition is getting better and better since I came back home last March!

And what's more, I got to think positive and I wanna do something ;D

Anyway, it's very very important to take much rest and to take medicine to remedy deperession ;@)

今月の２２日から２７日まで東京に遊びに行くことにしたの

なんだか久しぶりに東京にいる友達に会いたいなぁって思って

今は色んな人とスケジュール調整してるの

少しでも多くの友達に会えたらいいな
Short trip to Tokyo


I decided to go to Tokyo from 22th to 27th this month ;-)

I've thought about seeing my friends in Tokyo so now I contact my friends in Tokyo to plan when we can meet.

I wanna be happy to see my friends as many as I can!

相変わらず体調不良で苦しいけど、親に食べることに関して色々言われなくなったから精神的に楽にはなったかな

話は変わって、一日の中で一番AiがHappyで心落ち着く時間はバスタイムの後、アロマオイル焚きながらスキンケアとボディケアをしてる時

自分の為に自分の好きなことが出来る時間を持てるって幸せ

それにしても恋がしたいなぁ片思いでいいから誰かを好きになる気持ち思い出したいなぁ
After taking a bath



As usual, my condition is so bad that I feel bitter. But recently, my parents don't talk about my diet so I got relieved mentally, I guess.

BTW, my every day's happy time is after taking a bath! I enjoy skincare and bodycare while doing aromatherapy at that time ;-)

It's so happy to have time to do my favorite things for myself XD.

However, I wanna be in love with someone. Even if it'll be one-side love, I wanna remember the mind to love someone!

今日昼食食べた後、ものすごい吐き気に襲われてトイレに行ったらフラフラめまいが始まって、そのまま意識失って倒れちゃったの

４年前にフランスで胃腸炎になって、気持ち悪くなって嘔吐してたときに意識失って倒れたのとおんなじ感じだった

今一番のストレスは、食欲ないのに親に「食べる量も少ないし、もっと栄養のある物食べなさい」ってAiが今一番出来ないこと言われることかなぁ

食後に意識失って倒れちゃったのがトラウマでまた食べるのが怖くなっちゃった

After I ate lunch, I felt heavy nausea and went to our toilet.

Then my head began to swim and I lost my consciousness so I fell down suddenly.

I remembered I had the same experience in France 4 years ago because of gastroenteritis.

Now my present stress is to be said,"You should eat more and eat hearty food!" by my parents though I don't have appetite...

Today's bad happening became my trauma so I'm afrad of eating again :-(

ここしばらく、気分が沈むことはあっても体調はまぁまぁよかったのに昨日から一気に体調が悪くなってしまってかなり苦しい

頭痛や吐き気や微熱のうつの症状が出てきて体も心も休まらない

でも、今の自分を受け入れて生きていることに感謝する気持ちは忘れたらダメだよね

苦しみは生きている証でもあるから・・・
Life


Recently, I've been depressed but my condition was not so bad. But from yesterday, my condition got worse suddenly.

Therefore I feel so heavy :-(

I have a heavy headache, slight fever and feel nausea because of melancholy. So I can't get relaxed...

But it's bad to forget to appreciate I'm living with cherishing myself.

Bitterness is one of proof of living.

今Aiが物凄く悲しいってことは分かるんだけど、一体何がそんなに悲しいのか分からなくて胸が苦しい

今日はもう難しいこと考えたくないから大好きなBobbyちゃんと一緒に寝まーす

Bobbyちゃん60cmだから赤ちゃんと一緒に寝てる感じで落ち着くの
My friend, Bobby


Now I understand I'm very very sad but I don't know what makes me so sad... So I feel bitter.

Now that, I don't wanna think about difficult things so I'll go to bed with my Bobby!

He's 60cm tall so he looks like a baby. When I'm with him I get relaxed ;-)

毎年恒例の夏バテの時期に突入・・・

食欲なくて気持ち悪いから、ジュースとフルーツで栄養補給

なんだか最近また色んなネガティヴな感情に捕らわれて、自分が何を考えてるのかよく分からないの

そして、忘れたいのに忘れたくない人のことを思い出しては寂しくなる

夏が大好きな人だから夏になるとどうしても思い出しちゃう・・・

連絡が途絶えてしまったから今どうしているのか分からないけれど、変わらない笑顔で幸せに暮らしててくれれば嬉しいな
My summer memory


Every year, I suffer from summer heat :-(

Now I don't have appetite and feel nausea so I'm taking energy from juice and fruit.

BTW, recentry I feel various negative emotion and I don't know what I'm thinking about.

And every time I remember whom I never wanna forget though I wanna forget, I get so sad.

He loves summer so I can't stop remembering him in summer...

Now he doesn't contact me so I don't know what he's doing. However, I do hope he smiles and live happily as he did.

神奈川で仕事してる弟が昨日から1週間の夏休みで帰省してきてるの

久しぶりに会ったら少し逞しくなってて安心したなぁ

3年前に就職してから富山にいる時は仕事のストレスで激やせしちゃって家族みんなで心配してたんだけど、一人暮らし始めて生きる術を見つけて頼もしくなったなぁ

Aiも東京で一人暮らし大学で卒論書きながら、フルタイムで仕事してたから弟の大変さはよく分かるから、元気な顔見れて安心できたけどこれからも無理しないでいてほしいな

帰省中は弟に実家でのんびり心と体休めてもらえたらいいな
At Toyama station



My brother workiing in Kanagawa came back Toyama for summer vacation and will be here from yesterday to Augst 2nd!

We met him after a long interval and we were relieved to see he gained weight a little and got strong :-)

He started working 3 years ago here in Toyama but he lost weight too much so we, my family and I, have been so worried about him :-(

However, since he began live by himself, he found how to live and became dependable!!

I also lived by myself in tokyo while studying at university and working full-time. So I really understand how hard to live by himself while working.

Though I got relaxed to see his smile, I so hope he'll live without overworking ;-)

Anyway, I'll be happy he'll spend this vacation at ease during his stay!

21時くらいにいきなり、前に勤めてた会社の人から「みんなで飲んでるけど来る」っていう超怪しいメールが来て、Aiが「罠でしょ」って見抜いて「じゃあね」って一回メール終わらせたんだけど、その後のメールが長かった

男性陣で飲んでたみたいだけど、その時にAiの話が出て「あなたに会いたいって言ってる人がいるんです」ってやっと本題に入ったの

めちゃくちゃ眠たいのに結局4時間くらいその人と、Aiに会いたがってる人とメールしてたの

興味を持ってもらえたのは嬉しいしいことだから、来週3人で飲むことにしたの

でも、Aiがその人に「何で興味持ったんですかあの人達私のこと何て言ってました」って聞いたら「ワンダーランドって言ってました」だって・・・

よく分かんないところに興味持つ人もいるんだね（笑）

P.S.
その後、この怪しい人の正体が判明したから遊びに行くのやめまちた(笑）

About 21:00, my fomer coworker sent me an e-mail saying,"I'm drinking with my friends so why don't you join us?" But soon I found it was a trap so I said to him,"It's a trap, isn't it? So bye!" and ended exchanging e-mails once.

But after that, we continued exchanging e-mails for a long time though I was so sleepy...

They talked about me and one of them got interested in me. Then finally he reached the point and said to me,"My friend really wanna see you!!"

Thpugh I was very very sleepy, eventually I was exchanging e-mails with him and the man for about 4 hours.

Well, I think it's happy that he got interested in me so we decided to drink together next weekend.

However, I asked him why he got intrested in me and what they were talking about me. Then he answered I was compared to wonderland!! I could only laughed...

I thought he got interested in a strange point LOL!

P.S.
After that, I recognized who this strange man was so I decided not to go out together LOL!

今日はママと一緒に午前中美容院に行ってカットしてもらってきたの

なんか毛先がすごい痛んでたから結構ばっさり切ってもらったの

午後からはおばあちゃんとママと3人でお買い物

おばあちゃんとママのお洋服選びしてきたの人のお洋服コーディネートするのってやっぱり楽しい

今日は家族と充実した時間過ごせてよかったなぁ
My new hair style


This morning, Mom and I went to a salon to have our hair cut.

The end of my hair was so dameged that I asked my stylist to cut my hair drastically ;-)

In the afternoon, I went shopping woth Granma and Mom to buy their new clothes.

After all, it's intersting and fun to coordinate others' clothes!

I'm gald to spend today fruitfully with my family!

ここしばらく、色々悩み事が耐えなくて泣きたいのに泣けないくらい辛かったの

だけど、少しずつ問題が片付いてきて、Aiが本当に悩んでいたこともやっと分かったんだ

それで、今日はAiの大事な人と色々お話してたら安心して泣けたんだぁ

泣いてる自分を受け止めて涙を拭いてくれる人がいるってこんなに幸せなことなんだって改めて感じたの

きっとこれからも色々な問題に直面しながら生きていくだろうけれど、一人で抱え込む必要もないし、辛い時は誰かに頼ればなんとか乗り越えられるんだろうな

今日Aiの涙を拭いて安心させてくれたあなたに感謝の気持ちでいっぱい
relaxed


These days, I've had various worries and have been too bitter to cry though I wanted to do :-(

But as the trouble was solved, I realized what I really suffered!

Then I talked with my dear friend, I was able to cry with relieved =)

I feet it's so happy when I'm crying, someone is by my side and wipes my tears away.

I'm sure I'll live while facing lots of suffering, I find that there's no need to get worried by only myself and that I'll be able to overcome them with depending on someone I trust!

I appreciate him because he made me relaxed me and wiped my tears away!